Esoteric Financial Leadership Philosophic

Leadership: A Perspective

May 10, 2012 – 8:33 pm

Leadership is one of the most written about topics in the world. This article is not intended to be a comprehensive discussion on leadership, but to highlight a few catchwords that may lend a new or different perspective on leadership. This article is also not intended to fill your mind with impressive sounding MBA-type jargon and definitions. Conversely, I hope to help you understand how simple practical leadership really is! Lastly, I will illustrate with a true life case study.

There are five keywords I will discuss briefly in this article. They are all qualities or attributes, that when applied correctly will build credibility in the leader and build a strong and loyal team. These are:

  1. Ignite
  2. Inspire
  3. Influence
  4. Involve
  5. Identify

Ignite

A leader should be able to ignite something in people. The main thing for a leader to ignite is vision. Simply put, vision is something that people can see in their mind’s eye that is future tense. A hope or purpose that is admirable and desirable both for individuals in the organisation and for the organisation (regardless of the organisation’s form). To ignite is to “set on fire” zeal within the people to see the vision fulfilled; to invoke a passion within people that is driven by the knowledge that the vision is way bigger than the individual; to fan into flame a desire within the people to identify themselves with the organisation’s vision. Something that they feel they want to apply their mind, emotions and labour to.

Inspire

While “Ignite” talks to people’s desires, “inspire” talks about motivation. Even where a leader has been able to ignite as described above, people need to be motivated in the present tense. This is where a leader’s ability to inspire is needed. Inspiration is what will move people to act now. This is what motivates people to get out of bed every day and get on with the job! Inspiration can take many forms, for example: talks with your people, incentives, leading by example, fair treatment, communicating individual and collective progress, laying down the next short term goal, praising a job well done, encouraging improvement and more.

Influence

Without the ability to influence, all is lost for a leader. The word “leader” cannot be used to describe someone who is unable to influence people. Influence is the ability to persuade, sway, induce, have an effect on people. To build the ability to influence, a leader needs to have a track record that declares: “I have credibility!” If people do not believe that you as a leader have credibility, they will only treat you as “the boss” because they have self preservation in mind. In other words, their motivation to be compliant with your instructions is fear, not relevance or achievement of the organisations vision. Unfortunately, there are many organisations staffed with people with this mindset. This is largely because the management layers in organisations are filled with managers, not leaders!

Involve

One of the keys to leadership is involving the team in all aspects of achievement of the vision. A leader is not supposed to be an island or the sole decision maker in an organisation. A wise man once said: “If you think you’re a leader and turn around and see that you have no followers, you’re just a guy out for a walk!” It is important for a leader to get his team involved in the process and not only use them to follow instructions. When people are involved in a process, they immediately feel as if they are owners of the process, not only tools in completing tasks. They feel relevant. This means that the leader needs to take an interest in equipping the team. If the team are to reach higher levels, they will need to be stretched. Included in the stretching is allocation of more responsibility as well as more equipping to take on the responsibility. It often happens that people are given more responsibility, but they fail because they were never prepared or trained to take on the responsibility. The old example that a good salesman does not necessarily make a good sales manager is a case in point. Another important point to remember is that people should be recognised for their successes and corrected for their failures. (Unfortunately, nowadays, failures are euphemised and called “areas for development”!) Unless failures are corrected, and the proper guidance given, it is unreasonable to expect improvement next time.

Identify

To complete the loop, the team and the organisation should be one to which the people are glad to identify themselves. This gives people a sense of relevance and belonging. If people are not happy to be identified with their leader or organisation it is unlikely that they are giving their best. We form clubs, churches, interest groups and the like purely because we identify positively with others with the same passions. The leader should be able to advance the identity of the organisation to the degree that people in it positively identify with it. When they do, they feel as if they are part of a cause, rather than merely employees earning a living. Think branding. What brands do you associate with gladly, and which ones do you have no affinity for. It’s the same with employee identity within your department or organisation.

Case Study

My case study is the leadership of Jesus, the most influential leader in all of history. He ignited such a passion in his followers that they spent their lives devoted to His cause – most of them, to the point of death. He was able to communicate with such sincerity as to His vision (purpose) that they “bought into” it. They gave up their day jobs and followed Him for three years, during which time He inspired them to stay with Him. They learned a new way of life from Him and were persuaded to stay with Him every day because they saw from His lifestyle that it was real. Jesus influenced not only His generation but started a following that has spread the world over. As its manual it has the Bible, the most printed, translated, bought, given away and written about book in the history of mankind. I call that influence! Because He knew he would not be on the earth forever, Jesus understood that He needed to involve his team in His work. They were taught, trained and shown what to do. When He left (earth), He sent them an empowerment through the Holy Spirit and vested them with authority to get the job done. The work He started, they carried on and taught generations and countless millions through their writings and as a result, Jesus’ organisation is strong and expanding even 2000 years after His departure, with millions of people involved in its way of life and promoting that way of life to others. The identity He created is now called Christianity, and has been called this since the first century. For those readers who understand branding, Christianity certainly has been a long lasting and successful brand. People though the ages have identified so strongly with His cause that they have been willing to die for it, some of them in the most painful and violent way. It is an identity that evokes in people a very specific way of life and outcome after death. People affiliated with Christianity may differ with one another on some issues but that’s really no different to the way different branches of large conglomerate function slightly differently.

Lead this way and you too will be a great leader!

BDF

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Esoteric Philosophic Religious

Whatever you do…

March 5, 2012 – 9:52 pm

I was particularly challenged when I recently read a passage in the book of Colossians. I quote: “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” Colossians 3:17a (NASB).

A couple of key words that I noted in this scripture are: “whatever”, “all” and the phrase: “in the name”. “Whatever” and “all” are all-inclusive words, meaning that they exclude nothing. I took the liberty of looking up the meaning of the original Greek text for these two words. The same Greek word was used in both instances; the syntax for English determined the use of the words, “whatever” and “all”. The Greek word is “pas”, and pretty much means all; everything; the whole; every. As I thought, this excludes NOTHING!

When making a study of the book of Colossians the themes run broadly as follows:

  1. Salutation and introduction (chapter 1:1 to 1:29)
  2. Discussion and correction regarding Christ’s work in and for us (chapter 2)
  3. Instruction on living the right life (chapter 3 – Chapter 4:6)
  4. Greetings (chapter 4:7 – 4:18)

The intended application of this verse is in the context of the discussion on correct living and is merely part of much wider instruction, but in a sense, it summarises the whole lesson in a very terse way. Essentially, everything we do or say should be done a certain way. The way is: “in the name of the Lord Jesus”.

Exactly what does this mean? We as Christians often use the phrase: “in the name of Jesus” as a way of adding weight to the end of our prayers. This is because we are taught to pray to the Father, in the name of Jesus. And that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. What we are not really taught that often is what this means.

We need to understand delegated authority in order to understand what “doing or saying” in someone’s name means. When we do or say on our own authority, the effect of what we do or say accrues to us only. We act on our own behalf and do not implicate anyone else in our actions or words. If we have no recognised authority, our words and deeds lack credibility, and may indeed lack the impact we intend, especially if we are making requests or issuing orders to someone. Similarly, if we act the fool going “solo”, our folly only harms our own reputation and credibility. On the other hand, if we act as an agent with the delegated authority of someone who has recognised authority, our words and deeds accrue to the one under whose authority we are acting. We will achieve impact and intended results not because of who we are, but because of the delegated authority we are acting under. Similarly, we stand to bring reputational harm to the one whose authority we are acting under when we act the fool. Our folly is ascribed to the authority figure, not ourselves.

The word “name” used in the above scripture is the Greek word: “onama” meaning, “a name; authority or cause”. Clearly, the intention of the verse is that we should act as ones who have the delegated authority of our Lord (Greek: Kurios, meaning authority; Lord or Master) Jesus. When we make Jesus our Lord, we act as his delegated authority on earth. The instruction given here is that our doing and saying should be done within the full mandate of the authority we act under – Lord Jesus. When we do this, we achieve results because His authority is credible, tested, infallible, proven. When we act the fool as agents of Jesus, we bring reputational harm to Him among men. His reputation in the spiritual realm cannot be harmed but among men, it can – driving them from Him rather than to Him.

Our Christian living instructions are seemingly obvious, but yet we fail so often to live by them! Here are but a few:

  • Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. (Colossians 3:5 NASB)
  • But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. (Colossians 3:8 NASB)
  • Do not lie to one another… (Colossians 3:9a NASB)
  • … put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; (Colossians 3:12b NASB)
  • bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. (Colossians 3:13 NASB)
  • Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. (Colossians 3:14 NASB)

If we act like this, we act well in the Name of our Lord Jesus. If not, we do Him reputational harm among men.

BDF

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Uncategorized

Authority

February 24, 2012 – 8:03 pm

Dear Readers,

After spending considerable time researching the subject of “authority” I have decided not to write on the topic until I have formulated a punchy, concise way to deliver it. This topic seems to be more appropriatley put into a book rather than a blog article! Authority is a very wide topic with different levels or ambits.

I sincerly apologise for this. Keep a lookout for new posts in the meantime.

BDF

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Esoteric Philosophic Religious

Submission and Authority: Part 1: Submission

December 6, 2011 – 9:00 pm

It is fairly widely accepted that in the earth there are authorities and those who submit to those authorities. The reality is that there is often quite a gap between the mutual expectations of those in authority and those under authority. Without pretending to be an expert in this area I would like to explore some biblical truths concerning both authority and submission.

I would like to start with submission.

What strikes me as an important concept about submission from a biblical perspective is that submission is largely a voluntary action. It is only involuntary in that God requires of us to submit ourselves to various different authorities. The importance of this is that submission cannot be demanded of one person by another. The submitted person is submissive by an act of his or her own will. A few examples of this follow:

1. Genesis 16:9 “Then the angel of the LORD said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit yourself to her authority.””

2. Colossians 2:20-21 “If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!””

3. Hebrews 13:17 “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.”

4. James 4:7 “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

5. 1 Peter 2:13-14 “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.” (All NASB)

Submission, once offered should endure. It should not endure only as long as the submitted party is in agreement with the one submitted to but also when submission in less convenient. If submission only endured insofar as there was agreement, then there was never true submission but purely obedience or compliance whilst one agreed with the authority figure. Call it submission based on convenience.

Submission then must become an act of the will and the heart. Once tested, will it endure? I say this because I do not find Biblical examples of where God instructed anyone to withdraw their submission to someone He has told us to submit to. One of the most revealing stories of submission is found in the story of King Saul and David in the book of 1 Samuel. Without recounting the whole story, one of the central themes was that David refused to harm or usurp God’s anointed leader who at the time was Saul. Despite Saul’s several attempts to kill him, David maintained the honour and submissive attitude that God required of him. David exhorted his men (who wanted him to kill Saul) with the words of 1 Samuel 24:6 (NASB): “So he said to his men, “Far be it from me because of the LORD that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, since he is the LORD’S anointed.””

This was certainly not submission based on convenience but David was constrained to behave in this way because he knew God’s mind on the matter. He knew that his submission was FIRST to the Lord and because of this, he submitted to the anointed leader in his life, understanding that even though Saul may have “lost the plot”, he was still God’s anointed leader, even to the point where David referred to him as “my lord, the LORD’S anointed”.

We should cultivate a similar attitude toward submission. In our modern life, we have lost the understanding of submission and far too easily find reasons to suspend our submission to those in authority. Think of another scenario from the book of Romans. We hardly ever hear sermons where this passage is the text:

Romans 13:1-7 (NASB): “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing. Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.”

Wow! What an inconvenient instruction from God! How much time do we spend finding reasons not to be submissive and honouring our Government? Do we find ways not to pay our taxes? Or do we rather do what we are told in 1 Timothy 2:1-2 which says: “First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.” (NASB) In this way we are submitting both to God and the authorities. Note carefully that this includes ALL who are in authority over us: rulers and their delegates, bosses, spiritual leaders, heads of families, parents….

The happy ending with submission is that there is reward for heartfelt submission. In Colossians 3:22-24 we are told: “Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” (NASB). What we always need to keep in mind is that although we serve others in authority, it is really the Lord whom we serve. When we do this with our hearts, we receive the reward of the inheritance. This reward is both for our lives on earth, for generations after us and for eternity.

Next post: Authority!

BDF

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Esoteric Philosophic

Ethics in ancient and modern society

October 14, 2011 – 9:00 pm

There is much talk about ethics these days. Some of the triggers being the failure of large corporate enterprises to conduct their affairs ethically. As a result, many people have lost money on investments they had made in corporates such as Enron, WorldCom, Lehman Bros. and the like.

 Without going into all sorts of technical definitions contained in the Sarbanes-Oxley act and the King 1, 2 & 3 reports on good governance (For South African readers), ethics can simply be defined as: “doing the right thing”. The big questions are: “what is the right thing?” and “the right thing for who?”

 One of the most obvious responses to this is to follow what is commonly called the golden rule:

 “Do to others what you would have them do to you.”

 (This is all well and good as long as one’s moral perspective or world view is not asocial or masochistic.) This golden rule originates in the Bible and can be found in one of the discourses Jesus gave: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12 NIV, this is also recorded in Luke 6:31). This was a profound statement, in fact a profound instruction for life that Jesus gave in the context of Jewish law of the time. He was able to sum up the law and the prophets in one sentence!

 The law-makers of that time attempted to do exactly what the law-makers of today are attempting to do, that is to codify or legislate good morals. Through the centuries, the Jews accumulated over 600 laws that regulated almost every aspect of life. The trouble with this is that mindlessly following rules gradually dulls one’s recognition of the purpose for the rule. For example, the motive for adhering to “Do not steal” becomes the evasion of jail rather than recognising that one has deprived someone of an asset they have worked hard to acquire and they are now left without the use of the asset. The moral reason for the rule is forgotten and replaced with the fear of punishment – if caught. Evading discovery of the infringement now becomes important, because the consequences of infringing can only be applied if there is discovery. But the discovery alone is not good enough. It has to be proven. This means that there exists a chance (depending on your country’s laws it could be a good chance) that one may escape consequences because one has clever legal representation. Now instead of understanding the breach of good morals, the infringer (or potential infringer) rather seeks ways of evading discovery, and as second prize, escaping punishment if discovered.
This pattern transcends all levels of organisational seniority, societal station, race, gender and culture because it seems that law brings fear of punishment and shifts attention to avoidance of punishment rather than understanding the moral reasons for the law.

Let me pause for a moment to make it clear that I do not propose that law is done away with, but rather that mankind spends more time understanding the morals and principles behind the law as much as they understand the law. Law only has value where it has context. As Christians, our context is one of covenant with God. As non-Christians context is generally cultural or societal, but there is a context within broader society albeit godless. At this time allow me to quote from 2 Corinthians 3:6 (NASB): “… made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” This corroborates what I have written above. Laws on their own bring death, but add the Spirit and one has life. This is why Jesus could say that this golden rule sums up the law and the prophets. He went to the purpose of the law and prophets, to the “why”, rather than to the “what”. The law should be written in our hearts, not only on paper.

It is important to note that the commonly quoted golden rule omits the words Jesus started with: “So in everything”. These words are weighty and bring this simple rule into all aspects of our lives. We cannot selectively apply this. We have to apply it all the time, to everything – no exceptions! Imagine if the world operated like this! What a difference it would make if the entire population was this unselfish and promoted others above themselves. The ethics question would never even feature! Unfortunately this is a soft and fuzzy thought and far from today’s reality.

Where does ethics begin if not with ourselves? If we always wait until someone else does the right thing to us, it is already contrary to the theme Jesus taught. It must start with us. We need to make a decision to act first, regardless of the positive or negative response we receive initially. This is ethics in action, doing the right thing, regardless.
Law-makers can try as hard as they want to legislate honest and ethics, but unless the hearts of people change, the laws remain just printed paper. God through His Word and Spirit can change the hearts of people. It seems that He is really the answer!

BDF

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Family Philosophic Religious

Sex in marriage: much more than just physical!

September 6, 2011 – 9:24 pm

This is the final instalment in my first mini marriage series. As promised: SEX. I once again must warn that this article is truth and therefore NOT politically correct. It is however biblically correct. As Christians we are called to be biblically correct. If you are reading this and are not Christian, please don’t lose interest at this point and stop reading. It could transform your thinking, your marriage and even your life!

Most people perk up when the discussion on sex starts! I wonder why that is? Why does sex feature in almost every movie or novel? Could it be the mystery; or the excitement; or the intrigue; or the pleasure; or the intimacy; or the anticipation?

The truth is that sex is all of these – and more!

This purpose of this post is to explore some of what the Bible has to say about the topic and mix that with our modern life so that we may understand the proper Christian context of sex. I have no intention to deal on the medical or physiological matters although I may touch one or two points on this.

Sex started with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God made Adam then presented him with Eve. They were both totally naked and felt no shame. Shame only came after sin entered their lives. They realised they were naked and went to make clothes for themselves. Even in this effort, they failed. Imagine making clothes from fig leaves! God intervened and made them clothes from the skins of animals. (This is the first recorded incident in the Bible of death.) Since that time, people have clothed themselves to keep out of sight those parts of the body associated with sex and the shame that was associated with the original fall of man. The second part of 1 Corinthians 12:23 (NIrV) says: “…The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care.” Since the fall of Man, it has been the right thing to cover up.

I need to point back to another verse in Genesis to lay a platform. God had made all the earth, all the vegetation and all the animals and one man. Unfortunately, from all of creation until that point, there was no suitable helper found for this lonely man. God found the solution in the man himself. He put him into a deep sleep, opened him up and took a rib from him. From the rib, God made a woman from the rib and presented her to the man. Seeing as he was used to naming things, Adam also named the woman and gave a reason for the name – woman: “The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”” (Gen 2:23 NASB). Adam named her Woman to denote a different species of creation. She was not the same as man, but she came from the man. This passage contains the first recorded use of different genders: he and she. Right after this event, the following passage appears: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24 NASB). Some important observations from this passage need to be pointed out:
1. Woman was created for man as a suitable helper. God made her so suitable that they are to become joined again in marriage and become one flesh. So although they are separate, they are one;
2. Women and men are not the same;
3. She was taken from the man, bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh;
4. The man is to leave his parents and be joined to his wife;
5. They shall become one flesh.
From the above we can safely infer that men and women are naturally compatible.

I will only spend this one sentence on the topic of homosexuality: It has been said that they were named Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve! The suitable helper for the man was a woman, not another man. Enough said!

In Genesis 1:28 God blessed and gave the man and woman a commission, which was to “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (NASB). Apart from the obvious dominion mankind now had over all creation, he was to multiply. For mankind to multiply, men and women need to have sexual intercourse. Very important to note here is that God BLESSED them in this. It was not a lewd, shameful act – when in the context of marriage. This context is found in Genesis 2:24 quoted earlier. Further to this, one He had completed all His work, “God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31 NASB).

To summarise so far:
1. God made man and woman;
2. God gave them to each other in marriage;
3. God blessed them when he told them to multiply (God invented sex);
4. When God looked at all He had made, He declared that it was VERY good!

It is safe for me to state that within the context of marriage, sex blessed and it is very good!

I will not go into all the obvious “no’s” of sex except to say that it is improper to have sex with the same gender, animals, parents, siblings, someone who is not your spouse and any close relatives like uncles, aunts and cousins.

In Hebrews 13:4 (NASB) we are told “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
What is it to honour marriage and to keep the marriage bed undefiled? Essentially this means that we all have an obligation to honour our own marriage as well as anyone else’s marriage. If we interfere with someone else’s marriage in any way, we are interfering with God’s order. Keeping the marriage bed undefiled is as simple as having sex with your marriage partner only. The marriage bed was merely a convenient way to describe sexual relations in a marriage. We are never to invite others into that “place” in our lives. Defiling the marriage bed and dishonouring marriage is not only having sex with someone other than your spouse, it includes other ways of dishonour, for example, joking about your sex life with your friends, belittling your spouse’s sexual prowess, comparing your spouse’s sexual prowess with what your friends describe as good sex or with what you think sex should be like from watching television or movies. Fornication and adultery are pretty much terms used to describe people who have sex with people other than one’s spouse. As the scripture says, God will judge people who fall in these categories.

Sex is not meant to be a purely mechanical reaction. It is intimacy in the extreme. God made people in such a way that their sexual responses follow certain stimulate. These can range from a sense of romance, meaningful conversation, a sense of being safe and secure with one’s spouse, knowing one is loved, non-sexual touch, sexual touch, what one sees and what one might see. (This is by no means an exhaustive list!). Broadly, women respond to men on a far more emotional level than men to women. As a result, women will be ready for sex once their emotional needs are met more often than not. Men on the other hand could be ready for sex just at the thought of sex, or by seeing his wife naked. For this reason, men need to put more effort into non-sexual touch and conversation, being close and meeting emotional needs in order to bring their wives to the point of wanting to have sex. Men are fairly easy to arouse. It is important for men to put their wives first, not only when they want sex, but always. This is a pattern established in Gods order which is that “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;” (Ephesians 5:25-28 NASB). The key phrase here is “gave himself up for her”. This is love. Husbands are the ones who should be making the sacrifices, not wives. In this case, he should give up his instant sexual urges for a more prolonged time of intimacy with his wife which may or may not culminate in sex every time. The thing is that for the marriage, intimacy must be developed in all dimensions of the marriage, not just the act of sex. Sex is a mind game before it’s a physical game. It is about intimacy, not just physical contact.

In terms of sexual technique, I am not going to say much. There is a lot of good literature that covers this topic both from a medical perspective as well as an enjoyment perspective. The only thing I will say is that you and your spouse must be in agreement with what you do. If one partner is not in agreement with something, honour the marriage and don’t do it.

I hope you find this article to be biblically constraining but liberating as it helps to bring God’s perspective into your sex lives!

BDF

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Family Financial Philosophic Religious

Money in marriage: can we survive this?

August 19, 2011 – 8:27 pm

As promised, the second critical topic in marriage: money!

I probably have a very unconventional view of money matters in marriage. I must pre-warn that you may not agree with this view, but read on anyway! You should test it against the truth of God’s word and advise me if you find differently…

(Important note: I am not considering that you may have made a pre-nuptial agreement. Those agreements are put in place to protect interests for numerous reasons, several of which may be completely valid. I am addressing the marriage as it should be, to the exclusion of any pre-nuptial agreement!)

To understand my perspective on money in marriage you will need to understand that I am a committed Christian and as a result, I believe what the Bible teaches about the marriage covenant. I follow with a fairly long discourse in this regard so that I may lay a good foundation.
God created us. He also put in place a certain order or system of governance. He did not do this for nothing. He did it for our good and because it works. The trouble is that people today have so called “progressed” to the point that they don’t think that God’s system is relevant anymore. I assure you that God does things for the long haul. We have limited vision – we may only look as far as our own lifespan, or if we are really a planner, we may look as far as another generation. God on the other hand looks as far as eternity: eternity past and eternity future. His ways are truly tried and tested. What I attempt to accomplish is to bring practical application of God’s ways to modern living.

I need to start by quoting from the Bible: “And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Mat 19:4-6 NASB)”

The concept of “one flesh” is an important one. Once married, two become one. This is a spiritual concept that our intellect has difficulty understanding, let alone applying. The principle idea is that two individual people become one unit once they are married. Before marriage we are free to act as we wish, but after marriage we have been joined to someone else and the two, who are now one, need to find a unitary identity and behave as one and no longer two. We have difficulty letting go of the past life where we acted independently of our spouse. When we fail to realize that we are one flesh once we are married, we open the door to all sorts of strife that divides a marriage. According to 1 Corinthians 7:4: “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” (NASB) This scripture is specifically referring to sexual relations but the principle can equally be applied to the marriage as a whole: that is, that we divest ourselves of authority over ourselves when we get married. This is not intended at all to weaken us as people, but rather to strengthen us. When we are fully united with our spouse, we form a very strong bond, especially when we allow God to part of the union. The Bible declares that: “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NASB). Agreement is also one of the aspects of a marriage that keeps it tightly held together. Amos 3:3 asks: ”Can two walk together, except they are agreed?” (Webster). It is unlikely that you and your spouse will successfully “walk together” on this journey through married life unless you are agreed.

Finally, we come to money!

Bearing in mind the discourse above, when you became married, your lives need to be merged into a single entity – the one flesh concept. This means that your and your spouse’s assets, liabilities and everything else became part of a new union’s estate. Your spouse’s parents even became your parents! So no longer “mine” but “ours” becomes the possessive pronoun when referring to assets. In other words, even though the parties hold individual legal title to assets and liabilities (including bank accounts) these assets are part of the marriage union and not the individual. The spouses now submit this area (along with others) to joint control of the marriage union.
You may well be gasping for air at the thought of relinquishing control of things you considered your own. This is normal! Be encouraged in that a seed must first die and be planted in the ground before it can grow into a tree. Similarly, if we lay it down, God will raise it up.

The issue of trust comes up. When one marries, there should be a high degree of trust between the spouses. There is no reason that one would be prepared to commit the rest of one’s life to a marriage based on low trust. This is obviously an ideal that is not always the truth, but it is an ideal that should be sought. A very effective way of generating and cementing trust is for spouses to budget together every month. In this way, both parties have a detailed understanding of where the money comes from and where it goes. To make this practical, a couple should sit down directly after payday with a pen and book (dedicated to budgeting) and write down all the income, agree on all the expenses and see the net result. If it is short, the plan of action should be agreed, if there is a surplus, it should be saved or invested in a way both parties agree on. In this process it is very important that the couple pray and dedicate the process to God. It is not easy to be open about your financial affairs in the beginning but as the marriage develops in this area, it becomes easier and indeed quite liberating when you discover that “two is better than one” in this area.

I do not necessarily advocate that the couple should close all their individual bank accounts and open new joint ones. This involves a large degree of administrative red tape and may cause regulatory or credit issues in some cases. When a couple are young, this may be easier to do and if it is practical, I would do it. The issue is one of the heart – one of a real intention to be committed in all respects to your spouse, to individually and as a couple commit your ways to God. Psalm 37:5 says: “Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” (NASB)

If this process is not handled in a mature, spiritual way, it can lead to arguments and strife in the marriage, so there is risk involved. That risk, however, is mitigated as soon as the couple make a genuine commitment to do it right and include God in this area.

In our marriage, my wife and I have conducted our financial affairs this way consistently from day one of our marriage. As a result this area has NEVER caused arguments or strife in our marriage as nothing is hidden.

Be brave, commit it to God and take His instruction in this area.

BDF

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Family Philosophic Religious

Communication in marriage: when is it ok to hit your wife?

August 16, 2011 – 9:54 pm

I am going to attempt to cover three very critical elements that can either make your marriage great or make it hell for you. The first is communication, then I will deal with money, and finally sex. Most things we experience in marriage boil down to having these three elements functioning either poorly or well. The better we do these, the better our marriage, the worse we handle these, the worse our marriages tend to be.

On the outset, you may be inclined to ask: “so what qualifies you to write about marriage, with authority anyway?” that is a very valid question!

I have been married for close on 19 years now – to the same wife that is! We have 2 children, a boy of 10 and a girl of 8. I cannot say that I have survived a bad patch in my marriage or that my wife and I have had an up and down marriage but stuck it out. We have had a very good and fulfilling marriage from day one. That is not to say that as a couple we have not faced challenges. The thing is, we have faced them together, and have overcome them together. We have not opposed one another but rather supported one another. We thought that it was important to lay a good foundation before we got married, so we consulted someone (who we still deeply respect) for pre-marriage counseling. We also read books and put into practice those things that we learned. This has stood us in good stead over the years. I find it disturbing that many people today think that making marriage a success is a matter of working it out as one goes along. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, it seems reasonable to expect that one should study it out before entering the marriage, that way one is better equipped to deal with life’s issues. That said, I am a firm believer that no matter what lay in the past, it is past and we cannot influence it anymore. We can however influence our future by learning valid lessons from the past and by finding out a better way to approach life’s issues and changing how we think and what we do.

Communication. What is it? According to Encarta it is: “the exchange of information between people, e.g. by means of speaking, writing, or using a common system of signs or behavior”. According to Webster’s it is: “1. the act of imparting, conferring, or delivering, from one to another; as the communication of knowledge, opinions or facts. Or 2. Intercourse by words, letters or messages; interchange of thoughts or opinions, by conference or other means.”

I would like to pick out some pertinent phrases from the above definitions:
1. What: Exchange of information, imparting, conferring, intercourse by words, interchange of thoughts, opinions or facts.
2. How: Speaking, writing, behavior.
I particularly like the phrase: “Intercourse by words” as it provokes thoughts of a more intimate nature. This is a good way to look at communication between marriage partners!

Communication develops relationship between people. Without effective communication we cannot expect to gain understanding between people. Communication can be purely about facts, for example: “It rained today”, but often can be facts as well as feelings, for example: “I burnt the dinner.” This may be fact but could also mean more. It could mean: “I feel like a failure at cooking, please make me feel better about myself!” Please humour the following generalizations: Men tend to concentrate of facts and problem solving rather than on the issues of the heart. Women on the other hand are heart communicators – they communicate feeling. They may not need a solution to their problems but rather for understanding of the emotions behind. Men probably miss the nuances within a conversation because we do not make enough effort to hear the heart. Women may not make effective contact with men because their emotional undertones are missed on them.

I would like to use a two way radio set to illustrate, albeit very simple.

There are some essential factors that must be in place for a two way radio to work properly:
1. Each radio must have both a transmitter and a receiver
2. The radios must be tuned in to the same frequency
3. The radios must be able to filter out interference
4. They must obviously be switched on
If one radio can only transmit but not receive, the communications will always be one way. This means that there will be no exchange of information, only passing of information from one to the other. In marriages, both parties need to be able and willing to exchange information. Both need to listen (receive) as well as talk (transmit). If this is not the case, there is no intercourse of words, but only a monologue.
Secondly if radios are not tuned into the same frequency, they both may be able to transmit and receive but because they are not on the same frequency, they will not be able to be heard by each other. In marriage, if one partner is not fully engaged in the conversation, it is similar to being on a different frequency. The one partner will be talking right past the other. Once again, no intercourse of words.
Third, when there is interference on a two way radio, the frequency may be correct but because there is noise or interference, the message does not come across clearly and can be misunderstood. This happens when, for example, a couple try to have a conversation while an important sporting event is playing on the television at the same time. Chances are good that the husband is giving attention to the interference of the television instead of his full attention to the conversation.
Lastly, of one or both of the radios are not switched on, the conversation cannot take place. In marriage, if a partner is very tired, or just not interested in talking at that time, they are effectively switched off and cannot communicate.

These are very simple illustrations that can be applied to help improve communication between spouses. To recap:
Make your conversation two-way. It is important that both parties talk and listen. Listening is different from just hearing. Listening includes understanding. Be fully engaged or mentally present when you have a conversation. Get rid of interference and make sure you are both wanting to communicate.

When is it ok to hit your wife? Never.

BDF

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Esoteric Financial Philosophic Religious

We can all have financial freedom

August 14, 2011 – 1:29 pm

We often hear the phrase: “I want financial freedom” or an investment advisor will attempt to entice you into buying into a scheme by challenging you with the question: “Do you want financial freedom?” or “Do you want to be financially independent?” the terms “financial freedom” and “financially independent” imply that one has enough passive income, or income from non-employment sources to live off of and meet one’s obligations.
Sadly most of us do not live that dream. Most of us are tied up in debt bondage to financial institutions and other creditors and are reliant on our employer paying us every week or month in order to meet our very pressing commitments!
Against this backdrop, the good news is that there is hope for Believers: the truth is that we can all have financial freedom. This is because we are in covenant with our Father God. There is however an onus on us to find out what our covenant benefits and obligations are and to apprehend them by faith – not faith in the covenant benefits but faith in God! (1Co 2:12) Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God.
A couple of our covenant benefits concerning our provision are:
1. (Php 4:19) And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
2. (2Co 9:8) And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;
When one takes a closer look at these scriptures I would like you to notice the following:
1. God, (not your employer) is the provider
2. All (not some) of our needs will be met
3. We also will have enough for good deeds or giving, not only enough for us
Never concerned about not meeting one’s needs and being able to be a generous giver!
If you ask me, this is financial freedom!

BDF

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Financial Philosophic Religious

Start good stewardship at home!

August 14, 2011 – 1:27 pm

How often do we pray (or just wish) that God would bless us beyond our needs – to the overflow?
How would we respond if He answered our prayer? Do we know what we would do with His abundant blessing?
To start preparing ourselves for financial blessing, we need to be able to show that we are good stewards or managers with little matters first. This is purely the foundation of other more weighty matters that test our motives and affect our eternal lives.
Jesus explained in Luke 16:10 – 13 that:
• “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.
• Therefore if you have not been faithful in the use of unrighteous wealth, who will entrust the true riches to you?
• And if you have not been faithful in the use of that which is another’s, who will give you that which is your own?
• No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”
In this passage, we see some tests:
1. Am I faithful with the little I have? If I am, I will be faithful with much.
2. Am I unrighteous with the little I have? If I am, I will be unrighteous with much!
If we fall under number 2, we cannot be trusted with true riches!
3. Am I faithful in managing someone else’s assets? As an employee, do I put in the effort, diligence and attention at work – moreover, am I faithful to my employer even when I am not at the workplace?
If not – why would God give me my own stuff?
4. Who is really my master: God or wealth? (Really?)
Some practical thoughts that can help us put faithfulness into the little things:
1. Do a household budget – make sure your allocation of money represents God’s order. Do I budget for tithes and offerings? Do I budget for entertainment before fixing my home? Etc.
2. Look after the assets you already have. For example; keep your home well maintained, clean your home, service and clean your car…
3. If you are “challenged” in terms of attitude toward your employer, you need to change your attitude before you change your job! Remember that you take yourself wherever you go and the same bad attitude that you have now will follow you wherever you go! This is fundamental to God trusting you enough to give you your own stuff.
We don’t want to be like the person described in James 4:2; “You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.” Let’s rather strive to be the person described in Matthew 25:21; “His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.”

BDF

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